Terrible Seasons!?!
I am a father of two boys. When I became a father, it was life-altering but very exciting. Through all of the challenges, joys, and moments of uncertainty, I am very thankful that I have been blessed to be the father of my two sons. As of writing this, my first son is 3 years old and the other is a month and a half. However, this blog post will focus primarily on my three year old, because I think we have entered into one of my most favorite seasons as of yet. My three-year-old an extremely smart, caring, gentle, albeit active little boy. I love communicating with my son and discussing what he has learned at church or from those around him. I love showing him how things work and then sitting back and watching him mimic what I just showed him. He is a little sponge that longs to learn and experience different things but still values structure and mommy cuddles. This is why I love being a dad. It is these rich moments that make everything worth it; however...
Along with this season of growth and development, there is another side to the equation that makes me want to jump off the roof... well, not literally. Still, seriously, there are moments when a switch seems to flip, and my son morphs into this obstinate, grumpy, antagonistic child whose entire goal in life is to get under my skin. Can you believe it? This three-year-old already knows the areas that frustrate me the most. HE IS THREE, for goodness sake, and he already knows. In these moments, I find myself equally amazed and infuriated. I am surprised at his intuition which enables him to recognize and understand the areas that frustrate me. I find myself thinking that I need to encourage this development because it will be such an asset in life. However, the other side of me is trying to control my frustration because my stinking three-year-old is poking all the right (well, more accurately, wrong) places at the moment.
What we are experiencing is what the world or our culture likes to call the “terrible twos” or, in this case, “terrible threes”. While I understand the meaning behind the Terrible Threes, I actually hate it! I think that perspective is essential, and when we use labels such as terrible, it will shape our mindset during these seasons. When this shift in mindset occurs, we often transition to survival mode. While survival mode is necessary in some cases, I would argue that in this instance, it can be more detrimental than beneficial. Survival mode causes us to manage the moment and focus on the future. While this might help us survive the hard seasons, we can miss many beautiful moments because our energy is focused on the challenging aspects. Blinders can develop, which causes us to miss many beautiful and rich moments that often occur in these seasons.
Right now, am I experiencing what the world likes to call the terrible threes, and is it occurring right when my second child has been born? Yes, but I don't want to see it that way! While this season is challenging and frustrating, there are far too many good things that my son is learning, and I would never want to label it as terrible. Therefore, perspective is key.
Instead of surviving, we need to seek to thrive during these moments. In our case, this has created a world of difference. Shifting our mindset has affected our son as well. As I stated before, my son is very intuitive, and he will feed off our emotions. When Liesel and I are patient but firm, praising the good behavior and diminishing the bad, I have been amazed to watch my son sincerely come to terms with some of his bad behavior on his own, seeking reconciliation and forgiveness. This is thriving! This is what makes this terrible season worth every moment.